Complicated Love

Eden is carrying a secret so dark she feels the need to pay for it by never falling in love again.  Only her friend Olivia since school years knows the whole story.

Eden believes that she doesn’t deserve love but one night on an evening out Eden bumps into Jude, a man fifteen years younger than she is.  The young medical student is infatuated but Eden won’t allow herself to feel anything for him. Instead she takes up the offer to date her boss Spencer who has been pestering her for the past few years. Eden will do anything not to fall in love again but Jude won’t give up that easily and Eden finds it hard to resist him because he reminds her so much of her past. The past she never wants to bring up again.

Jude fights his hardest for her but as time passes he gets the feeling that she doesn’t love him back as much as he loves her and wonders if it is worth the effort . Eden has to make a decision that will change the rest of her life and she wonders in the end if she’s made the right decision.

This is the first in the series please look out for the second series ‘So this is love.’ Coming in early 2013.

 Excerpt

Bag packed Eden sat back on the bed and thought about tomorrow. She was actually looking forward to it. It would be nice to go away for the weekend and do other things besides work. Sort of a refresher, the body’s way of rejuvenating but then again it wasn’t that simple, Eden was still torn.

Just then she heard the door bell ring.

‘Shit!’ It had slipped her mind. ‘Jude! Shit!’ She was supposed to answer the text to let him know she wouldn’t be available but it was too late now.

Quickly she took a glance at herself in the mirror. She still looked great in her grey tweed dress that was just above the knees, the black woolly tights and the black ankle boots really put the outfit together. Her hair was still in its place with a woollen flower headband around it. She rubbed her lips together as if distributing lip-gloss and then hurried downstairs.

‘God I’ve missed you.’ He flung his arms around her before she had the chance to say or do anything.

He squeezed her tight into him and for a moment Eden took in the embrace, enjoying the moment.

‘Jude.’ She pulled away quickly and then closed the door. ‘We need to talk.’

‘About what?’ He smiled down at her, he was lovely, there was no denying that but was that enough. He leaned forward and captured her face into his hands and brought her face forward so that their lips met.

‘Jude.’ She mumbled weakly into him. ‘Jude please.’ She withdrew again weakly. It was so hard trying to resist him.

‘What’s wrong? Have I done something wrong?’

‘Why don’t you come and sit down in the living room.’ She led the way and he followed. She sat down and he took off his coat before doing the same.

‘You’re worrying me. What’s wrong?’ The worry was evident in his eyes.

‘It’s us, this, we have to talk.’ She had to tell him, she’d decided what she wanted and she had to live with the consequences of it. She’d replayed a lot of what Olivia had said and although she was right on many levels, Eden had to do what was best for her.

‘We can’t do this.’ She took his hand in hers.

‘Do what?’

‘This, whatever it is you call this. You can’t keep showing up here. I can’t do this with you.’

‘Is it that man?’

‘What man?’

‘The one who came here the other day?’

‘Spencer, his name is Spencer, and no it isn’t Spencer. This is about us.’

‘I don’t understand. I thought you understood that I love you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought you felt the same way too.’

Eden pursed her lips together; this was harder than she thought it would be. Of course she liked him, she liked him more than anyone, she might even love him, but was that enough?

‘I can’t. I can’t do this. This isn’t what I want.’

His eyes glazed over but he blinked back the threat of tears. ‘Why. What could honestly make you say this? You have to help me understand.’

Eden took a deep breath and squeezed his hand.

‘It’s a lot of things.’

‘Tell me. I have time.’ He wasn’t letting this go.

‘For starters, the age thing. It’s just not right.’

‘Say’s who. No one questions a fifty year old man marrying a twenty five year old.’

‘It’s different.’ She huffed.

‘How?’

‘This is a mans world!’ she sang trying to joke about it. ‘This is a mans world.’

But Jude didn’t share in the joke; he turned to look at her seriously. This wasn’t a joke to him, neither was it to her but she just didn’t see the possibility of a relationship.

‘It’s strange on so many levels.’ She continued.

‘How exactly? I’m not buying that!’

‘First of all we just met. It’s hardly appropriate declaring love for one another so early.’ Although she had to admit the powerful feeling within her must be what love felt like. ‘Secondly, I hardly know you. I know you’re a doctor but I don’t really know you.’

‘Anything else?’ He raised his eyebrows. Eden shrugged; there were many things she quite couldn’t think up just then.

‘About me telling you I love you. You may think I’m naïve but I’m studying for a medical degree. I know what I’m saying and even though it may be impossible to you, it’s possible for me. It’s so real. I just know that this is it, deny if you might, but I know that you feel it too. It’s not something that can be explained it can only be felt. I may be young but I’m so sure of this feeling, I know it deep down in me that I love you.’

Maturity had taught her otherwise. At sixteen that may’ve been true but life experience had taught her otherwise. There was something wonderful about being young and naïve though. You took more chances at life and maybe that was how life was supposed to be; about taking chances, about taking a step of faith and living in the now. 

‘What will it take for you to believe a little? To stop being so afraid and to step out and love? You want to know about me, ask. We have years ahead of us.’ His face lit up somewhat. For someone that young he sure was wise. If she believed in reincarnation he would’ve been an old soul.

‘I am. I’m doing that.’

He took in a deep breath, ‘Really, with that guy – ‘

‘Spencer, his name is Spencer and well…’

‘Are you seriously going to be with that guy?’

Eden felt a tad annoyed; she really wished he would stop calling Spencer that guy.

‘Jude, I’m…I’m trying to understand what I want. It’s been a long while and I’m trying to figure it all out.’

‘And how do you propose to do that?’

Eden wondered if she should tell him about tomorrow. Deep down she knew what she wanted but she wasn’t sure it was even the right thing.

‘I’m going away with him.’

Jude’s face dropped, Eden watched as his face turned red and his eyes widened.

‘He’s booked us a weekend away. I know this might be a shock to you but I really need to do this. Jude, I don’t want you waiting for me. I want you to move on with your life. I want you to be with someone right for you.’

He remained silent and looked into space, Eden had no idea what to expect. A part of her was afraid he would walk out of the door and never come back. Was that what she wanted?

‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ she asked finally.

‘There…there is nothing to say. It is clear that you’ve made your choice.’

‘I haven’t made a choice; I’m only trying to find out what I want.’

‘By going away with Spencer?’ He finally said his name as if he had accepted defeat. ‘I want you to know that I love you.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘I’m not just saying it, I mean it but it’s clear you don’t love me back and – ‘

‘It’s complicated Jude, please – ‘

‘This is why I’m leaving now.’ He got up to go, the pain was like a dagger through his heart. He was about to let the love of his life leave his life for good. There was no other way to convince her that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. He’d never been so sure of anything in his life but he couldn’t force love.

Eden watched as he stood up and walked towards the door, she followed slowly behind him. Her body felt like lead and the fear in her stomach felt the loss. Was this what she really wanted? Why was she pushing love away? But she knew why, it was better to be safe than sorry.

‘Goodbye Eden.’

‘Jude.’ She reached out and grasped his arm. ‘Give me time.’

‘To do what?’

‘To choose, to find out what I want.’

‘What about me? What about what I want.’

‘Please?’

‘I don’t know Eden, this isn’t what I anticipated. You don’t get to choose, to play with my emotions.’

‘But I’m not…I’m just so confused right now.’ She felt like a tided up knot.

‘I’m not.’ He turned the door handle and walked out the without turning back.

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