Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Loving The Broken You

I've finally finished Loving the broken you. I enjoyed writing it, but I'm also glad that I can now move onto something else. I wanted to address the issue of depression as an illness not something that people do on purpose and I hope that I have managed to show that side of life. This book is now available at all outlets.

One day Beverly can’t get out of bed. It isn’t because she doesn’t want to, but she can’t master the strength to do so. Her life becomes hard to manage. Once upon a time she was capable of doing anything, but lately, the smallest tasks are hard. Beverly is depressed, but she doesn’t want to admit it. To do so would mean she was weak. But by not admitting this problem, things get worse. The more she tries to cope alone, the harder it is. Philip her lovely husband has tried to support her through it all, but at the end of the day, it is up to her to get out of the darkness that clouds her life.
On the road to recovery, Beverly meets Lucy, who makes her see life differently. Beverly begins to live in the moment and appreciates the love her husband has given her. He is the most important part of her recovery, and he’s sticks by her until the end. Philip loves the broken part of her, and his support shows just that.


The next morning, Beverly didn’t get out of bed, nor did she get out of bed the day after. It was on the third day, which was a Saturday did, Philip try and get her out of bed. Like the other days she’d stayed in bed, he brought her a morning coffee.
‘Morning honey, it’s eleven o’clock. I’ve brought you a coffee.’ He placed it on the side table. ‘Honey?’ He gently pulled the covers off. ‘Are you going to get out of bed today?’
She squinted her eyes up at him.
‘You really need to try and do something.’
‘I don’t want to.’ She pulled the covers over her again.
‘I know you don’t or don’t feel like it. You have to at least try.’
‘I don’t have the energy.’ She spoke beneath the cover. Beverly wanted to be her happy self, but couldn’t master the strength to bring that person out. A few months ago, Beverly would’ve been up by eight. The house would’ve been tidied and her day scheduled. That wasn’t the case for the past few months. Things had deteriorated dramatically. She wasn’t eating enough; her mind was racing with thoughts at times. Helplessness engulfed her, keeping her down and powerless to change.
‘I think you need help,’ he said as gently as he could. ‘You can’t go on like this.’
‘Yes honey. I’ve been reading up on stuff and I think you’re depressed.’
She didn’t like that word. It meant weakness, it meant she’d lost control. She wasn’t depressed, she was just having a bad period.
‘You need to seek help, this isn’t improving.’
The covers shifted and she sat up. ‘I’m fine. Now give me my coffee.’ It had taken all the strength she could muster to sit up. Life just wasn’t worth living, but she wasn’t ready to admit that she’d weakened.
‘You’re not fine.’ He handed her the coffee. ‘You’re far from fine.’
She took a sip of the hot drink.
‘When did you last go out with your friends?’
Beverly couldn’t answer that because it had been awhile.
‘When did you last speak to them? When did you last speak to Laura. You two were inseparable.’
‘She’s been busy.’
‘Sweetie.’ He tried to take her hand, but she pulled it back. ‘You haven’t written in a while, you don’t get out of bed as much, and you drinking way too much.’
‘Are you judging me?  I don’t need a father. I need a husband,’ she said defensive.
‘And I’m trying to be that to you.  You just won’t let me. I’ve done everything in my power to make you happy, to make you feel better, but you just don’t see it. It’s like there’s this dark cloud over you.’
‘What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?’ Her voice began to rise and her eyes glazed over. ‘I’m just tired. If you leave me alone and let me figure this out, I’ll be fine.’
‘I don’t know about that. This has been going on a little longer than I think is healthy.’
‘Okay I’ll give Laura a ring and arrange to go out for drinks. Will that please you?’
‘It’s not about pleasing me. It’s about you taking care of you. I’m just worried about you. I love you.’
She lowered her head feeling ashamed all over again. This seemed to be the cycle, anger, sadness and shame.
‘Just leave me alone.’

Happy reading!

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